Holding Darkness

No one knows why we are here. And those who say they do are full of it: assumptions, presuppositions, passionate convictions and the like, but nothing certain, not even close. The fact that all beliefs (including this one) can be legitimately questioned brings us back always and again to the starting point of the unknown, and, likely, for the vast majority of us, the need therefore to unlearn so much of what has been inscribed into us through the willfulness of others, in order to make us in their image, as people who also (somehow) know something that others do not, and typically with an accompanying conviction to spread this knowing (whether aggressively or subtly) to those still in the dark, until the whole world is finally deluged in the same delusion. Over against such proselytizing efforts, there is also the more polite, deferential approach—that of honoring each other‘s conjectures—although one must be suspicious that such honoring on some level has less to do with respecting the eccentricities of the other, and more to do with eliciting a reciprocal response, such that we can all live peaceably in one world, albeit with multiple pathologies.

There is no harm in speculation. Wondering, curiosity, and exploration of the endless corners of the cosmos external and internal to us is a hallmark impulse of the human experience, and one worth embracing. But speculation is not knowledge. Nor is hoping for something to be the case simply because it makes us more comfortable. Admittedly, honoring uncertainty and holding space for the unknown can be more than unnerving. It can be terrifying. This is why so many of us no doubt gravitate toward structuring our experience with the underpinnings of supposed certitudes. But this is not the only way for us to hold the darkness. We can be open to the obscure. We can replace tendencies to pin down the slippery reality of the real with the courageous vulnerability of arms wide open, allowing the unknown instead to hold us. Practically, this looks like prefacing most of our statements (either explicitly or tacitly) with “possibly” and “perhaps,” practicing listening more than asserting, and never settling for but truly enjoying a posture of curiosity and humility as we interact with family, friends, and strangers in this fantastically strange world of ours.