Equanimity

Equanimity is not zen but zombie-like, a state of inner calm and composure at the ghastly cost of authentic being and becoming. There is elegance in embracing the whole human experience: fear as much as love, chaos as much as peace, confusion as much as clarity, doubt as much as faith, ignorance as much as knowledge, and uncertainty as much as certainty. Naturally there is nothing wrong with the desire most of us have to know a more even-keeled way of being in the midst of stress and strife. The problem arises when this desire becomes the be-all and end-all, ostracizing the rich range of emotions that, together, make us fully human. While some of us have come to spiritualize and idealize equanimity as a master-like state of mind, we might do well to ask ourselves if detachment from the dynamism of our inner worlds is really what we want at the end of the day. A dispassionate inner observer might feel more pleasant, but only by sacrificing passion itself. Our passions are what make us human. Even more than our brains—and certainly more than any single feeling like serenity—we need the totality of our emotions and experiences to inform and in-form who we are, who we are becoming, and to assist us in discerning and dismantling those dimensions of self that served us well for a time, yet no longer are us now. Being whole and fierce with the reality of your own life means finding the courage to welcome all that unfolds on your journey: the expected and unexpected, the desirable and undesirable, and most importantly to allow yourself to really feel the depths of your own development—detached from the over-glorified myth of detachment. Equanimity has its role to play, just not the role of despot. Should we “keep calm and carry on” in life? Sometimes. But surely not in every situation, not at all. Albert Camus would quietly tell himself to “live to the point of tears,” and this is perhaps a better way for us to be, much of the time, courageously trading the tepidity of equanimity for a more abundant life full of heart.